All the Things She Said
by jd-freak
Summary: J/D song-fic; Tatu's "All the Things She Said" Josh's POV My first attempt, please R&R!


Title: All the Things She Said  
  
Author: j/d_freak  
  
Rating: PG-13 (for mild language and pretty mild suggestiveness)  
  
Pairing: Josh & Donna   
  
Spoilers: ITSOTG, Sort of Season 4, I guess.  
  
Feedback: Please respond to this, it's my first try and I'm feeling rather self-conscious. Any feedback would be appreciated.  
  
Disclaimer: I could only wish to ever be as talented as to bring you the lovely tv series we all know and love as the West Wing. Even though I love Josh and Donna and all the rest, they do not belong to me. *sob* Aaron Sorkin owns them all. Tatu did the song, I only have the privilege of listening to it and being inspired by it.   
  
Author's Note: This is my first attempt at fanfic, hopefully it won't be too painful for you to read, I just heard this song one night after reading a bunch of j/d fics and was instantly inspired. Please review this so I know if it's any good or not! Thanks!  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
Running through my head   
  
Running through my head  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
Running through my head  
  
All the things she said  
  
This is not enough   
  
Josh's POV  
  
Sitting here at my desk at 11 pm, I've realized that trying to work tonight is futile. I have been staring at this jail reform bill for over a half an hour, but have I processed a single word of it? No.   
  
You know, Donna's probably typed all of my notes, researched that new welfare package and re-organized my schedule, all while eating one of those infernal salads for a late dinner in the time I've been sitting here staring at this piece of paper.  
  
My Donna.   
  
I know she's the reason I can't concentrate... no, I take that back. I am concentrating, I'm just concentrating on her.   
  
Stupid bill. I feel like I'm in a jail. And this one certainly needs reform.   
  
I lean back in my chair to rest my eyes, but the instant I close them, all I can see is her face. Her beautiful, warm, smiling face. And my mind instantly replays countless bantering sessions, bordering on flirtation, but never crossing that line. It's safe that way, I guess. We've both been hurt before, so without a commitment, we can't be hurt again.   
  
Or hurt each other.  
  
But... God, I love her so much, it hurts me even more to hold it all in! What if she feels the same way? Are we causing ourselves more pain this way?  
  
My mind keeps wandering, going back to previous conversations, making me fall in love with her all over again, as I do every day, every time I see her, every time I hear her, every time I even think of her.   
  
And as I unconsciously drift into a fitful sleep, all I can hear is her mellifluous voice, reassuring me that it will be alright... but the void in my heart that only she is meant to fill reminds me that I remain incomplete, leaving me wanting more.  
  
I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost  
  
If I'm asking for help it's only because  
  
Being with you has opened my eyes  
  
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?  
  
Waking up from my "nap," I rub my eyes and find the clock on the desk says '12:00 AM.' Wow, I was out for that long? Oh well, that great dream I had about Donna was more than worth that lost hour of work...  
  
Sitting up, I find a note from Donna stuck to my computer screen.   
  
'Finished up early;   
  
went home to sleep.   
  
You should too.   
  
Don't stay too late,   
  
Donna  
  
Why does she have to care so much?!? Why is she so perfect?!? If only I could find some flaw, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad...  
  
Oh, hell. She's perfect.   
  
And I'm just gonna have to deal with it.   
  
But I can't deal with it. I'm not strong enough without her.   
  
How could I have been so blind all this time? Ever since the day I met her, it's been her voice in my head, always there, always with me. Now if only I could have all of her...  
  
I keep asking myself, wondering how  
  
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out  
  
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me  
  
Nobody else so we can be free  
  
But I can never have her. At least not for the next four years. And will she still be mine to have by then? I've been so lucky this far, I don't deserve any of her attention, but she's always there for me.   
  
Like after Rosslyn.   
  
In a strange way, that period of time gives me hope. Even though it was by far the worst time in my life, I remind myself that Donna was there for all of it. That's when I knew. And when I ask myself if Ginger would have done that for Toby, or Margaret for Leo, the answer is always no.   
  
My Donna is different.   
  
She loves me. She always has.   
  
I close my eyes once more, trying my hardest to clear my mind and make a rational decision, but thoughts of her invade me once more, enveloping me in her warmth, and giving me a new sense of determination.   
  
As my eyes fly open, I have to stop myself from screaming out loud, "That is it! I've had it!"  
  
I've made up my mind. I'm going over there right now, and I'm going to tell her how I feel. No holding back anymore.   
  
As I pack up my things and head out of my office, I ponder booking tickets to Hawaii before I go, but dismiss the thought as irrational and hasty, but not before promising myself that if this goes well, maybe I'll book those tickets for a honeymoon sometime soon...  
  
My Donna and I, alone together in paradise. That is the most perfect paradox I have ever heard.   
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
Running through my head  
  
Running through my head  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
Running through my head  
  
All the things she said  
  
This is not enough  
  
This is not enough  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
As I drive to her apartment, a million thoughts race through my mind at the speed of light, many of them narrated by her. The conversation I'm about to have pans out in my mind's eye, her voice encouraging me all the way as I drive faster. My heart physically aches, I want her so badly.   
  
When I arrive at her door, doubts come flooding in, like they always do in these situations, I guess, but as I take a deep breath, I hear her voice once more and a wave of relief and comfort washes over me, giving me courage to knock on the door.   
  
Well, I guess my over-enthusiasm turned my knocking into more of a pounding, and without thinking, I turned to my traditional bellowing... "Donna!"   
  
After a minute or so, she appears at the door, looking sleepy and worried, but beautiful nonetheless.   
  
"Josh! What are you doing here? It's one in the morning! Is something wrong? Did Leo call? Why didn't you call me?!?..." Donna's tiredness obviously hasn't stifled her mind or her mouth...  
  
"Woah! Donna! Breathe!" I laugh. "I just wanted to talk to you, and it couldn't wait until tomorrow."   
  
At this point, my gaze falls to my shoes, but my peripheral vision shows me the confused, bewildered, bemused look on Donna's face, and my confidence starts to wane. In a long overdue spell of consideration, I realize that maybe she would have been sleeping... oops, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all... "Did I wake you?" I ask sheepishly.  
  
"Yes, Joshua, that's what normal people do at one in the morning... but if you're so eager to talk about something, come on in. I'll put some tea on." she replies, easing the tension with our traditional banter.   
  
And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed  
  
They say it's my fault but I want her so much  
  
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain  
  
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame  
  
When they stop and stare - don't worry me  
  
Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me  
  
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget  
  
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head  
  
Donna goes to the kitchen to make tea, and I sit on the couch to wait. I then make the fatal mistake of thinking about my predicament again, and the duel of the doubts and my over-confident ego commences again.   
  
'Is it too soon to confront her? Should I wait and do this in a restaurant or something?... No, I've waited for four years, I can't stand it anymore. Does she feel the same way? Of course she does. She has to... but what if the press found out? C.J. would kill me! Not to mention Leo... We'd have to hide it... But it would be worth it in the end... We'd have each other, we could do anything that way... who cares what the press thinks anyways? There's nothing to be ashamed of...we're both consenting adults... or at least I hope she's consenting...but I'm her boss...maybe this is a bad idea... I could keep ignoring this, tell her I need help on the jail reform bill...I've put it off this long... but it's been too long. I'm going crazy. Look at me, I'm having a conversation with myself!'   
  
My thoughts are interrupted by a whistling tea kettle, and then Donna reappears at the door, two mugs steaming in her hands. She settles herself at the other end of the couch, and before she can say anything, and before my muddled brain can come up with a good way to start this, I hear myself blurt "Donna, I love you!"  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
Running through my head  
  
Running through my head  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Running through my head  
  
Running through my head  
  
All the things she said  
  
This is not enough  
  
This is not enough  
  
All the things she said  
  
All the things she said  
  
Mother looking at me  
  
Tell me what do you see?  
  
Yes, I've lost my mind  
  
Daddy looking at me  
  
Will I ever be free?  
  
Have I crossed the line?  
  
Six hours later, after the longest, hardest and best conversation I've ever had, and by far the best session of love-making I've ever had in my entire life, we lay here in her bed, with her finally asleep in my arms, and that spot in my heart finally filled, and my mind begins to wander again. I think of my past, and how unhappy and insignificant it all was without her.   
  
I see my mother, laughing and smiling, probably because she'll soon have grandchildren on the way... I see my father, smiling down at me, and I know now that it will all be alright after all.   
  
The sound of her voice and the stirring of her body in my arms breaks me from my reverie once more, as she whispers, "I love you, Joshua" into my chest, and smiling, returns to her dream. I know now that those beautiful words will be all that echoes through my mind for all of time.  
  
All the things she said... 


End file.
